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Eraser of Evil Flight School Graduate Drone Warrior Combat Ready Legendary Ant Poisoner Reckless Ant Food Trained Difference Spotter Apocalyptic Missile Commander Protecterra Solving the Melody Feeling the Rhythm Sensing the Beat Causal Gamer Flux to Be You Teeter-Totter to the TARDIS Paradox Shmaradox Speed Razor Fulp Fiction Wool Whacker New Doeo King Profesioeo Rodoeo Spectral Selection You're Doing It Wrong Prismatic Rampage Up to 11 Keyboard Hero String Theorist First Picks Illuminator Alive Monsters Sensei Slayer Escape from White November To the Extreme! PC Load Letter Bloated Defense Budget Still Alive Title Trasher Snakes on a Trophy Action Potential Spherical Ninja Rollin' On Up Rolling Start S-Mart Shopper Real-World Geometry
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2007/10/19

The Last Stand



Okay. So our first game is "The Last Stand". Which sucks, because it's retarded - all zombie-killing games are retarded.

Survivor Badge (medium – 15 points)
Survive the zombie onslaught long enough to be rescued without dying once.

You need to keep yourself from those suckass zombies for 20 continuous nights. And if you know how to handle the tasks properly, it's really a cake. Always spend your hours repairing the barricade first, then put all of the rest into the search of the weapons. Looking for survivors would prove to be a waste most of the times, because they can and often will go lost when later on you are doing more of the weapon search. Lastly, knock you left mouse button repetitively like a dumb idiot for about half an hour to score the badge.


Sniper Badge (hard – 30 points)
Get 500 kills with headshots during a single game.

Apparently, many players are having problems with the counting of headshots. Which sucks again, making you wonder why some dumbfucks claiming this game "the best they've ever played". As a result you will need to try to acquire as many headshots as possible. Below is a quick guide on how to hand out a headshot instead of a normal kill:





Due to some interesting reasons, headshots in this game are not solely determined by "whether you kill a zombie by a shot through its head", but also "how long the distance is between you and the victim". The designer of the game probably wanted to mimic the feeling of long-range sniping kills, unfortunately I won't say it's much of a successful attempt. As a suggestion, try to blow the heads up in the area lefter of the aiming mark indicated inside the above image to get a headshot. Some people assert that it would also count as headshots if you crack open the heads of the zombies with chainsaw, but I am being conservative regarding the genuineness of this claim, so erring on the safer side it is recommended to use your ranged weapons always.










These red tomato juices indicate successful headshots.









Contrarily, if the distance between you and the zombie is too short, you won't get tomato juice despite a well-placed shot.


Alright, now we have the basics, what about the strategy? For those of you "purists", there isn't anything new you will be getting from here; just use the general strategy described inside the Survivor Badge section and "refine your skills by sustaining practices with the game" (euphemism for "being one brick short of a full load by wasting your life into a retarded zombie killing spree").

For those smarter ones who know the importance of life and want to put their limited time into better use, you are recommended to open up your Cheat Engine and do the following to ease your pain and playing:

(Press Ctrl+A to see the hidden text; this is to protect our "purist" friends.)

Search for the health of the barricade and freeze it down; the actual health amount is recorded in 5 digits, which means you will need to make a search for 80000, take a hit from the zombie and see which value has decreased (it should be 79280 if only one hit is taken). Your tiny fort will become impenetrable and you can concentrate on your headshot job. Spend all your hours into the weapon search, even after you have had AK-47, to get M82 Barrett, which will greatly help your head-claiming effort. An average player should be able to meet the required 500 counts by the 17th or 18th night under these conditions.

Rating



Well, I've already said it in the very first paragraph. It's retarded.

18 comments:

shanethe13 said...

You can also search how ever many hours you have invested in searching for weapons. Narrow it down to a few values, and you can freeze the value at "8888" netting you all the waepons in a single night.

Anonymous said...

CANDLESNIFFING FUCKFACE GO CLIMB A WALL OF DICKS

Piers L said...

Now thats some harsh rating there mate. Zombie games arent to everyones taste, but as a reviewer you are supposed to be unbiased. The game is a challenge (without the chainsaw) and enjoyable, if a tad repetative. Its a benchmark for future defense games, as well as a brilliant attempt at a 1st ever flash game by the creator. Also, cheating kinda ruins the whole point of a defense game...

U dumbass said...

Hey piers...shut the fuck up.

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