Thing-Thing Arena 2

"Thing-Thing Arena 2", as you should be able to make it out from the name, is yet another stinky shit-piece from the Thing-Thing series. Even more shitty crap is how frequently this moronic series receives "weekly highlights" from the Kongregate crew.

Path of Pwnage Badge (easy – 5 points)
Load up "Ultimate Survival" and slaughter 20 soldiers, robots, zombies, and, uh, bean things.

This really isn't a problem is it?

Pure Madness Badge (hard – 30 points)
Fire up "Ultimate Survival" and rack up 300 kills.

Rejoice, people! For your complaints have been perceived! Call up your Cheat Engine and turn this inhumanly purposeless badge into one that is impossibly easy within a mere instant! What? You say you want a "pure" walkthrough? You nerd "purists" have nothing else better to do except being obsessed over the "purity" and how everyone else should treat an entertainment in a way one hundred percent similar as you freakingly do? Go get a damn life!

The creator of the game is being a hard ass and has protected the health meter with multiple pointers, so it is not recommended for you to fiddle with that unless you think you are a professional. Instead, we will describe the easier method most people could learn.

First, repetitively load up the arena till you get this one:




(Like always, press Ctrl+A to see the text our "purist" friends won't want to see.)

Modify the ammo of your P-90 so it becomes unlimited (search 1600, fire a few bullets to lock down the value and freeze it at 7992), and get up to the top-leftmost corner of the map:




You will be very safe here - no enemy will be able to jump up from the height below to attack you and no space for them to spawn in your left side, leaving you only have to concentrate on the rest 180° of the arc; be careful though, don't go too far into the right, or enemies will start spawning from your behind. Keep shooting until you see an AUTO-12 dropping; pick it up and do the same to its ammo:




And what's all left now is the dumb and happy part! Kill the fuck of 'em all! W00t-h00t!

There are two extra tips. One, it would seem that in this game, how many objects are drawn at one time is fixed, which means when you see a dropped item you'd like to pick up, stop firing immediately before go collecting it - if you don't do so and continue pulling the trigger with excessive new bullets being drawn, the item can be "washed out" within seconds. Two, do not touch the "S" powerup - if you don't listen to this advice and find yourself suddenly are caught by some freaking glitches, say, teleporting around or falling down into the abyss with your killing score reset, blame your own ignorant self for being dumb and not listening.

Rating



The Thing-Thing series is for dicks. It should be ceased to continue immediately to save this world from some harmful mind pollution.

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Four Second Frenzy

"Four Second Frenzy"? Even a four-second cumming's better than that.

Frantic Frenzy Badge (hard – 30 points)
Complete Endurance Mode.

It goes like this: you will have to beat through all the 50 "mini" (interchangeable with "incomplete and stupid") games in a random order first, before being posed in front of a "final boss" coming out of nowhere which will throw 10+ more mini games on your face, trying to stop you from getting your little damn badge. The game and the instructions are unbelievably screwed up, there is no way you are going to tell what the holy fuck some of the levels in there actually want you to do within a mere amount of four seconds, so they even created a separate official walkthrough telling you how the damn fuck you should complete their retarded levels! What the fuck! So go read their walkthrough, maybe plus this YouTube guide as well, and you shall rule over most of the levels within a blink, unless you are really a dumbfucking ass!

Rating



Dude, can you scrape some junks together and claim it a masterpiece? Of course you can't, perhaps unless you are called Marcel Duchamp.

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B29 Assault

According to the introduction of our next game of highlight, "B29 Assault", you are flying a 23rd century upgrade of B-29 Superfortress into the mid 21st century to save the world from the terrorists. Excuse me? What the fuck? B-29 in the 23rd century? What kind of a setup is that?

Counter-Terrorists Win Badge (medium – 15 points)
Complete all six stages.

Yep, there are six stages; you will visit three cities, each of them is consisted of two stages, one forth run and one back flight. Overall, the game is dumb and easy; get the yellow spread shot as your primary weapon whose firing range will be able to cover most of the area ahead of you, and either the big yellow pulse or the blue lightning as your secondary weapon, both of which can be directed by your mouse cursor and will come to be very handy when fighting the bosses. Have all your weapons max-levelled, and you shouldn't be having any issue with normal enemies unless you are being dumber than the game.

As a last tip, save your bombs up and throw them all in once when facing the bosses, and you should be able to blow them up in seconds.

Rating



Eat shit, man. That start menu music is idiotic.

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Particles

The next game that is going to be covered is "Particles". It is a variant of those dodge-the-whatever-as-long-as-possible type of games and, like all of them, is utter crap.

Dodgeball Badge (easy – 5 points)
Survive 50 seconds.

Hope no one's being dumb and saying "I cannot do this".

Ultimate Dodgeball Badge (hard – 30 points)
Survive for 200 seconds.

One useful tip is that you can move your cursor out of the Flash area from one side and re-enter it from another, creating a teleporting effect for your ball. Another hint is to stay away from areas where multiple red balls are converging toward, because they may collide and catch you in a surprise with some hardly expected change of courses. Aside from those, there isn't any trick from this one. The game's primarily basing on the running of the timer which Cheat Engine could do little about, and since I'm not feeling comfortable with packet editors, you won't be able to find anymore comment here on how to do this badge achievement toward your own ease, unfortunately. Fuck with it some more times and eventually you will have your luck; this is still easier than the notorious "Orbular" one.

There's also a freak who has reached 405 seconds with 12 red balls on YouTube, you may go adoring the show, but it won't help you beating the game.

Rating



It's a waste of time, and if you don't agree, you are either a geek or an idiot.

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The Last Stand

Okay. So our first game is "The Last Stand". Which sucks, because it's retarded - all zombie-killing games are retarded.

Survivor Badge (medium – 15 points)
Survive the zombie onslaught long enough to be rescued without dying once.

You need to keep yourself from those suckass zombies for 20 continuous nights. And if you know how to handle the tasks properly, it's really a cake. Always spend your hours repairing the barricade first, then put all of the rest into the search of the weapons. Looking for survivors would prove to be a waste most of the times, because they can and often will go lost when later on you are doing more of the weapon search. Lastly, knock you left mouse button repetitively like a dumb idiot for about half an hour to score the badge.

Sniper Badge (hard – 30 points)
Get 500 kills with headshots during a single game.

Apparently, many players are having problems with the counting of headshots. Which sucks again, making you wonder why some dumbfucks claiming this game "the best they've ever played". As a result you will need to try to acquire as many headshots as possible. Below is a quick guide on how to hand out a headshot instead of a normal kill:




Due to some interesting reasons, headshots in this game are not solely determined by "whether you kill a zombie by a shot through its head", but also "how long the distance is between you and the victim". The designer of the game probably wanted to mimic the feeling of long-range sniping kills, unfortunately I won't say it's much of a successful attempt. As a suggestion, try to blow the heads up in the area lefter of the aiming mark indicated inside the above image to get a headshot. Some people assert that it would also count as headshots if you crack open the heads of the zombies with chainsaw, but I am being conservative regarding the genuineness of this claim, so erring on the safer side it is recommended to use your ranged weapons always.










These red tomato juices indicate successful headshots.









Contrarily, if the distance between you and the zombie is too short, you won't get tomato juice despite a well-placed shot.


Alright, now we have the basics, what about the strategy? For those of you "purists", there isn't anything new you will be getting from here; just use the general strategy described inside the Survivor Badge section and "refine your skills by sustaining practices with the game" (euphemism for "being one brick short of a full load by wasting your life into a retarded zombie killing spree").

For those smarter ones who know the importance of life and want to put their limited time into better use, you are recommended to open up your Cheat Engine and do the following to ease your pain and playing:

(Press Ctrl+A to see the hidden text; this is to protect our "purist" friends.)

Search for the health of the barricade and freeze it down; the actual health amount is recorded in 5 digits, which means you will need to make a search for 80000, take a hit from the zombie and see which value has decreased (it should be 79280 if only one hit is taken). Your tiny fort will become impenetrable and you can concentrate on your headshot job. Spend all your hours into the weapon search, even after you have had AK-47, to get M82 Barrett, which will greatly help your head-claiming effort. An average player should be able to meet the required 500 counts by the 17th or 18th night under these conditions.

Rating



Well, I've already said it in the very first paragraph. It's retarded.

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Collecting Kongregate Badges

Greg is right. No one is forcing people to collect all of those badges. But in case you want to collect them all, and are searching for any useful tips, you are lucky to stumble across this little place; a full coverage will be given soon on how to beat the requirements to retrieve all of the Kongregate achievement badges, either through normal plays or some of the, lazier, methods. Stay tuned.

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